I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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