She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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