I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
