I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
