I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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