They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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