Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
time to smoke my breakfast
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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