I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
