$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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