You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
