Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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