I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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