oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
