Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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