Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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