So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
