That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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