forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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