hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
