I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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