Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
