I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
