He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
