And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
