my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
