There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
