Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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