Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This house was built for laser tag.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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