Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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