i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
