your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
