Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
