we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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