I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
