when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
