I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
