I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
