Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
