Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
