It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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