i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
