the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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