I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
