I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
