i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
