I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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