So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
