Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
