If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
