there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
